Tuesday, May 31, 2011

2nd Opinion

We had a consult with another RE on Friday. All went well. There were a few revelations.

1. I have PCO's. Not PCOS, just PCO's. I was confused as most women with PCOS are overweight, have excessive hair growth, an-ovulatory and irregular cycles. (None of which apply to me) He clarified that one can have polycystic ovaries with out having the syndrome. Ok. I have never been told this, so it was a bit eye opening.

2. RE #1 aka The Quack, put me on a very aggressive treatment plan for IVF #1. Given that PCOS ladies are often high responders I think RE #2 was a little shocked at the does of Gonal I was on.

3. OHSS would have been 100% preventable with IVF #1 if; a) I would have coasted and not triggered when I did. b) not been put on such a high does of Gonal. c) been given the proper meds to combat it once it took over. Also my clinic told me to drink "as much as possible," Dr. Z's advice, only 1 liter of Gato.rade or other sport drink per day. (No wonder I looked like I was 4 months pregnant)

4. He's pretty sure I have some king of immunology issue that could be preventing implantation. (Since I have PCO and endo) Will be testing for that.

5. He was ok with pursuing surrogacy but really felt I should look at all options before I made the decision. I told him I didn't want to be unable to do a fresh transfer again. He said he really thinks I will be able to do a fresh transfer. Haven't decided yet what we will do.

At the end all I said was, "Dr, do you really think this could work?" He said, "absolutely."

So he sent me enough info to occupy this IF girl for days. Seriously, talk about information overload!! I had a mini-breakdown today after work, after reading about the immunology stuff and if I test positive for NK cells what all that entails. I told DH I knew he sent it to me because he wants me to be well informed, but it just made me feel like we are that much further away from a baby....

Next steps, I talk to the nurse and financial coordinator on Thursday. He also wants me to get a local OB. (Yep, we have lived her 5 yrs and I still don't have one. I am a slacker.) I need to get another HSG done, since my last one was in 2005. DH needs a recent SA. After that I will have my day 3 US and blood work done for the immunology stuff. Sometimes it seems so daunting doing this all over. And he is much more through than The Quack, which I greatly appreciate, but it is just a longer list of to do's.

Thank you ladies for all your support. I wish I could hug each of you and tell you how much you mean to me. You make this whole thing tolerable.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Ready to throw in the towel

I am so over all of this! It took 2 weeks for my old clinic to fax my medical records to our new clinic. Then they didn't send any of my OBGYN or DH's urologist stuff. I called to inquire, they can't fax anything over from other MD's. So I had to call our other MD's to request the records. Haven't been to either one since 2007, records are in storage, gonna take forever. My consult with new RE is next Friday. The new office said it really ins't a huge deal if they don't get the records before then... I am just over it all! The lady from the urologist office was so rude and just mean. I wanted to cry. This crap is hard enough, gosh, be a little kind.

We still don't have all the $$ saved and our surrogate has kind of mentioned that her hubby isn't willing to wait forever, ie more than 3 months, for us to get everything lined up. We were setting out for an August cycle, but I just don't know how that is going to happen. Not to mention my anxiety is back in full force and I can't deal with all of this!

Sorry for the rant. This is just where I am today.
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Monday, May 9, 2011

Not one tear...

... Was shed yesterday. I really felt at peace with the whole Mother's Day thing. (A First for me since ttc) I really can't tell you why or how it happened, it just did. I had a wonderful day celebrating the two women in my life who gave me and DH life. I even went to my own ward for church, also a first in 4 years. (The Lest time I felt so left out and ended up crying my eyes out ALL day long afterward, so I have gone to church wiht my mom every year on MD since.) It was truly a perfect day.

A friend, E, stopped by when we returned home and gave me a bouquet of roses picked fresh from her garden in a cute vase. We are not very close, so I was totally shocked. She is the mother of 5 b.oys and her youngest, who is 2, is adopt.ed. It was the kindest thing. I told her she didn't need to do that given I am not really a mother and she said, "we are all mothers." She is right. I told her this was the first year I feel totally at peace and she said that's becuase we are on the path and our blessing is soon coming. I hope she is right, but if not I am just grateful the day was wonderful.

I hope all of you wonderful ladies had a great day! We survived another year!
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Thursday, May 5, 2011

Free stuff!!

So I did something a little crazy, I ordered a nursing cover. I my defense, it was FREE! You can get a free one too by going to uddercovers.com and using the discount code MOTHER.

When we started ttc 6.5 years ago I purchased lots of baby things, as did my mother for me. Now I have given just about everything away. I had one little girl's dress I adored and kept for about 4 years. This cover is the first baby purchase I have made in years, well that isn't for someone else. I couldn't resist. I think it shows I have renewed hope in this whole baby making thing. And maybe that I am just a tiny bit crazy!
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