Thursday, April 26, 2012

Not being silent

I know the theme for National Infertility week is Not Ignoring Infertility, which is great... But I can tell you one thing, no matter how hard I try I CANNOT ignore it. It is in my every waking thought and a lot of my not so waking thoughts. I eat, sleep, breathe infertility every second of the day. It seems as if everything reminds me of the lack of life growing in my ever aging womb. And I mean everything. So yeah for the women on FB that have decided not to ignore it and post heartfelt posts for all their FB "friends" to read... but I won't do that. And to me, that doesn't mean I am ignoring the issue.

I would say most of my FB "friends" know we are struggling to have a family. The ones that don't are male and single and really haven't given infertility a second thought because they are busy trying to prevent pregnancy. And why would I want them to know?? Infertility is the trail of my life!! It is so deeply painful and heart-wrenching that often I feel physical pain from my lack of being able to conceive. Dramatic maybe, but true. It is one part of my life I have no problem sharing with my close friends and family, but I don't really need the guy I had a crush on in 10th grade knowing about.

I applaud the women that feel they can be very open with the FB world about their struggles, but one thing I have noticed is that most of them, although still very much infertile, are on the other side of the path. They have shared their stories now that they have lived through it and survived. And maybe someday I will be able to do the same. (If and when I am so blessed.)

But for today this is me. I am infertile and I am dealing with it the best way I know how, by not writing a long post on our family blog and then linking it to any form of social media, and by not posting anything about NIAW on said social media sites. That just isn't my style. I don't judge if it IS your style, so please don't judge me because it isn't mine.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Baby Sale

A few weeks back we were at a couples party at a friends house. I was standing and talking to our now due-any-day-maybe-someday-surrogate R when the hostess and her mother walked by slightly pushing me into R's full belly. They asked if I was rubbing it for good luck and I said of course I hear this sort of thing is contagious, when the old lady (mother of 8) put her had on my shoulder and said,"I really think you two should just adopt." She said it with a look of hello that is the only logical option, have you never thought of that kind of look. Deep breath, and then comes the vomit of my opinion about adoption:

"You know adoption is a major decision. And it is really hard! What do you think you can just run to Tar.get and pick up a baby from the store?!? 'Baby Sale 50% off' well I'll take 2 then, one of each in blue and pink. Did you know that the mom can change her mind?? We have considered adoption and really don't feel like it is the right path for us at this time. We are doing what we think is best and will continue walking this path together as a couple."

I know we have all been faced with these types of comments. I decided about 3 years ago I was no longer going to just smile and nod when someone threw something like this my way. And I'm grateful I made that decision. After 7.5 years of ttc does this lady REALLY think adoption has never crossed my mind?!? I have the papers from our would-be agency filed away with my other important IF papers. I know she probably means well but while she's at it she might as well give me sex advice and ask about my CM. To me it is that intrusive of a comment. This is private stuff we are going through and quite frankly the trial of my life! Please don't tell me to "just adopt".