Sometimes when we are on this long and hard journey to our children we feel alone. Like God has forgotten us and our prayers are going unanswered. I have felt this way often. I know what I want is a righteous desire so why aren't children coming to our family? I really felt this way a few months ago when we contacted a couple that was looking to place their little girl, due in July, for adoption. I posted about it here. Before we knew their decision my prayer to my Heavenly Father was, "please Lord just let them want to meet us. But Thy will be done." I thought if we just had a chance to meet them they would get to know us and possibly fall in love with us. Alas, my prayer was not answered and they told us we were not the right fit. It was hard not to feel rejected. I let it go and realized that baby girl was not meant to be ours. I have come to have a strong testimony that the children who come to our family, by whatever means, will be OURS. Ones who were always meant to be in our family. So knowing that made it a little easier to move on.
I had a feeling that for some reason they wouldn't place their baby. And I had also offered a prayer for that, that the Lord would protect our hearts from that heartache. About once a month or maybe every 6 weeks I would check the website they had up for applying couples to see if they had any news. It didn't change.
Well today I noticed they said baby girl came early in mid June and they were no longer accepting applications for families. No mention of what ended up happening. So I looked on FB since we had a mutual friend of a friend. Turns out they did change their minds and decided to parent.
I realized my prayer was answered. He kept me from a heartbreak I didn't need and maybe couldn't have handled at this point in our journey. I feel so blessed and feel my faith and hope renewed that He is aware of me. And He will never leave me alone. Even when prayers seem unanswered, that is not the case. He has a plan and it is far better than what we can even imagine. I am so grateful for that and that sometimes when I ask He says no.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
I finally called the clinic to set-up an appointment. I put it off for weeks and even as the phone rang I almost hung up. I finally reached the appointment line only to be told I had to leave a message and they would call me back on Monday, since I called on a Friday. Very anticlimactic.
They called back Monday morning. Little Miss was trying to grab the phone and talk to grandma, since in her mind that is the only person we ever talk to on the phone. It was a little funny since the lady who called was obviously a little annoyed I had a 20 month old being herself interrupting our call. I wanted to say, um hello, that's what happens when you call at YOUR convenience and not mine. I called you during nap time, you did not. So now you will have to have some patience lady!
Anyway, our initial consultation is set-up for August 20th at 3 pm. I'm a little nervous and excited. To be honest I'm not looking forward to cycling again. Anyone who has read my blog for a few years knows how IVF #1 ended and probably understands why. I have to tell myself not all cycles end with OHSS and they have the records from my last cycle so this one is bound to be better. Oh please Lord let it be better. And with any luck it will end with a squishy baby in our arms. I tell myself it is one step at a time. We will meet with the RE and see how we feel. Maybe that will be the end of it. I really don't know. One step at a time.