Friday, August 27, 2010

Good bye 27, hello 28!

Today is my 28th birthday. Last year I wrote this post about the life I had imagined I would be living by the time I turned 27. Now here I am, another year older and still in the same place.

This year I will not be sad about the life I thought I would have by 28. I have plenty of time to live that life. Today I am just grateful for the life I have, for my friends and family. I am thankful that 27 is gone and a new year of life is just beginning. 28 will be a great year! No matter what the state of my uterus is. Bring it on!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Next step

Not quite sure what we will do next. We do still have the 3 Day1 embryos left, but given that it took 6 to get 2 ok ones, I am not very hopeful about them. Plus my last cycle was a living crap fest! That really makes me think twice about jumping right back into things. I have a blog about my RE office I am going to post eventually. I am so fed up with them! Needless to say we will be looking for another office for IVF #2.

We are now in saving mode again. It looks like it will be at least 6 months before we can afford to do this all again. Which makes me feel sad but also relieved. Let's face it, this IVF thing is not easy and my cycle history has been extra fun, with OHSS and side effects up the ying-yang. I am kind of happy we have to take a break. And I think we will will re-evaluate what we really want to do. Yes, we did this before our first cycle, but things are very different now. Bottom line, I want to be a mom and being pregnant isn't as important as it use to be for me. After having so much fun on hormones I wonder if I will be able to handle being pregnant. I am kind of scared of it now. Does that sounds totally crazy??? I feel pretty crazy these days.

AF finally showed up yesterday, so I am hoping my body/emotional state will go back to normal now that I am not all hopped up on hormones. I have my WTF appointment next week, but I'm not really sure I am ready for it. So I may cancel. I just want this to be over with.

Monday, August 16, 2010



Not surprised but devastated.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Still alive

I am still here. Just laying low. My 2ww is almost over and I feel, well, peaceful. I know I will not die if I get another BFN. I am stronger than that. I really hope we get our miracle this month, but I need to trust in the Lord and His timing and His plan. Deep breaths.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

RE switch, transfer, and Valium, oh my!

Yesterday's transfer went well. We transfered 3 embryos back. 2 were at 5 cells and 1 was a little behind at 4. I was a little upset because my RE wasn't even there. He had the other Dr in the office, who I have only seen once at my last transfer for 2 min, do my transfer. There were things I had discussed with my RE at our last WTF appt that this guy didn't know about. I just tried to tell him what info I needed and move on. I was concerned about the embryos not being at 8 cells yet. He said they were right on track and were perfect according to when they were taken out and began to grow. They also had to use 6 of our remaining embryos. So my guess is they took out the first 3, one did not survive and the other 2 were not good quality so they quickly removed the next three. I did get pictures this time. They are so beautiful! I took a pic with my phone and sent it to DH. Last night he said he wanted to walk around work and "show them off" to people. HAHAHA! Then he said,"but then I thought that may be weird." He is already a proud dad.

I know that this is all in the Lord's hands and I need to just relax and let Him do His work. I had asked the RE if it was ok to put them back when they weren't quite at 8 cells and he said the best place for them to be is in my uterus, so that is where they are. Beta is on the 16th.

Oh one last thing. The 5 mg of Valium did NOTHING for me. HAHAHA! I felt no different. I was pretty relaxed about all of it from the second we got to the hospital. I only took it in hopes to relax even more and maybe get some rest during the time I had to spend in bed after the transfer. Oh well. It was a very good day and my mind was at peace about everything. I have done all I can.