Wednesday, January 11, 2012

New Year, same story

My lucky number is 12. When I played sports it was my number. My husband and I were engaged on 12/24. When we started really getting this baby show on the road my dream was to have a baby (maybe our second, if things went well. HA!) in 2012. Well as we know, things did not go so well with IVF #1 or FET #1 or #2. So here we sit. Still seeking baby number one with no real end in sight. With each passing year I hope and pray that this will be "our year". I had really hoped that the stars would align and we could be back on the treatment roller-coaster by now... but we're not. And my heart hurts. The new year does not bring the promise of anything baby wise on the horizon and it sucks. We are quite blessed that we have finally saved all the $$ for IVF #2, (YEAH!!) but DH is still unemployed. I can't go in and spend our saving to make a baby without a fall back. Plus my job has changed and is BEYOND stressful now and I just can't calm myself enough to really give the next cycle a fighting chance. Now we know that stress does not equal infertility, but I believe that it can adversely affect the outcome of ART. And so we wait. For a job, for a miracle, for a chance to get this show on the road.