Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Baby Sale

A few weeks back we were at a couples party at a friends house. I was standing and talking to our now due-any-day-maybe-someday-surrogate R when the hostess and her mother walked by slightly pushing me into R's full belly. They asked if I was rubbing it for good luck and I said of course I hear this sort of thing is contagious, when the old lady (mother of 8) put her had on my shoulder and said,"I really think you two should just adopt." She said it with a look of hello that is the only logical option, have you never thought of that kind of look. Deep breath, and then comes the vomit of my opinion about adoption:

"You know adoption is a major decision. And it is really hard! What do you think you can just run to Tar.get and pick up a baby from the store?!? 'Baby Sale 50% off' well I'll take 2 then, one of each in blue and pink. Did you know that the mom can change her mind?? We have considered adoption and really don't feel like it is the right path for us at this time. We are doing what we think is best and will continue walking this path together as a couple."

I know we have all been faced with these types of comments. I decided about 3 years ago I was no longer going to just smile and nod when someone threw something like this my way. And I'm grateful I made that decision. After 7.5 years of ttc does this lady REALLY think adoption has never crossed my mind?!? I have the papers from our would-be agency filed away with my other important IF papers. I know she probably means well but while she's at it she might as well give me sex advice and ask about my CM. To me it is that intrusive of a comment. This is private stuff we are going through and quite frankly the trial of my life! Please don't tell me to "just adopt".


  1. Good for you for speaking up!! What was the ladies reaction??!!

    Like you said, people may mean well, but sometimes they just don't really know any better. If only adoption was that easy!

  2. So glad you said something! Adoption is wonderful, but it isn't for everyone and it is so crazy complicated. Some people can be so ignorant. I myself vacillate between wanting to educate EVERYone about the topic, and saving my energy for something more fun.

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  4. Congrats to your husband on his job and a big UGH, REALLY?! to the lady who said that. I know people mean well and they think they're helping, but I'm of the mind that it's always better to just be supportive and understanding of someone else's trial than to assume you know just how to fix it!

    For me, the most annoying thing I've heard lately has been well-meaning friends/family make comments that "if it were legal, they'd be our surrogate." Um, WTF?! First, I doubt they know anything about the legalities or intricacies of surrogacy. Second, why is infertility always seen as a female problem? Third, and I know it wouldn't be fair to my husband to say so because I view our infertility as a joint trial, but MY BODY IS NOT THE PROBLEM! And fourth, what on earth would make them think I would even WANT to use their stupid uteruses (uteri?) if we needed that?