Thursday, April 26, 2012

Not being silent

I know the theme for National Infertility week is Not Ignoring Infertility, which is great... But I can tell you one thing, no matter how hard I try I CANNOT ignore it. It is in my every waking thought and a lot of my not so waking thoughts. I eat, sleep, breathe infertility every second of the day. It seems as if everything reminds me of the lack of life growing in my ever aging womb. And I mean everything. So yeah for the women on FB that have decided not to ignore it and post heartfelt posts for all their FB "friends" to read... but I won't do that. And to me, that doesn't mean I am ignoring the issue.

I would say most of my FB "friends" know we are struggling to have a family. The ones that don't are male and single and really haven't given infertility a second thought because they are busy trying to prevent pregnancy. And why would I want them to know?? Infertility is the trail of my life!! It is so deeply painful and heart-wrenching that often I feel physical pain from my lack of being able to conceive. Dramatic maybe, but true. It is one part of my life I have no problem sharing with my close friends and family, but I don't really need the guy I had a crush on in 10th grade knowing about.

I applaud the women that feel they can be very open with the FB world about their struggles, but one thing I have noticed is that most of them, although still very much infertile, are on the other side of the path. They have shared their stories now that they have lived through it and survived. And maybe someday I will be able to do the same. (If and when I am so blessed.)

But for today this is me. I am infertile and I am dealing with it the best way I know how, by not writing a long post on our family blog and then linking it to any form of social media, and by not posting anything about NIAW on said social media sites. That just isn't my style. I don't judge if it IS your style, so please don't judge me because it isn't mine.

1 comment:

  1. Some people are much more vocal about it, doesn't make them any better of a person. To each his own. No one should be judging.

    "Infertility is the trail of my life!! It is so deeply painful and heart-wrenching that often I feel physical pain from my lack of being able to conceive."

    I can relate to that statement. With each miscarriage I had and every passing month, I felt like my soul was hurting. It wasn't easy. I pray that your soul may be spiritual lifted through this journey. It's not easy, but worth it in the end. ((Hugs))