Thursday, July 23, 2009


...that is what the last five years have taken from me. Today AF was due and she hasn't come. Not even an inkling of her knocking at my door. Five years ago I would have ran to the drug store and bought a big box of HPT's. I would've called my husband to tell him I was late. I even would have browsed the net for early pregnancy symptoms and read up on what to expect in the first trimester...

Now I know that she is late but will be here soon enough. I know that this month will not be "the month". I know my nausea, fatigue, thirst, etc. are not early pregnancy symptoms. I know I am not pregnant.

On the flip side, these past five years have taught me to value AF because she means we have another chance. I have learned to enjoy intimacy with my husband because, for us, it will not produce a child. I have gained a broader understanding of the human body and what a wonder it is that anyone gets pregnant by accident!

Taking the good with the bad is all any of us can do in our situations and pray that hope is not gone forever.


  1. Oh sweetie. What a profound and thoughtful post. Wishing you all the best and thank you for visiting me and commenting. :-) We'll get there.

  2. That is so well said. I am going through the same feelings. I curse my period, but at the same time it helps reaffirm that I am still alive and able to one day....We are in the same shoes- MFI, and few more side dishs thrown in on my side. ;)

    I hope you get a great experience with this new RE. :)

  3. Beautiful post. I can definitely relate!

  4. Popping in from the crème de la crème list.

    Knowing it isn't going to happen naturally has stopped the high hopes and deep disappointments each month or so.

  5. From the creme, loved how you can see the positive.
    See on the side bar you are strarting bcp for your next cycle. Wishing you plenty of luck.

  6. Great post. Here from the creme.

    We also had MFI, and needed ICSI. There is a freedom in knowing sex is not linked to conception.