Monday, December 7, 2015

Trying to be grateful

Stims Day 8 and today was my first monitoring appt at the office. Let's start with the good news:

1. I am not at risk for OHSS this time around
2. I will not be coasting so I should have better quality eggs
3. We are headed for a fresh transfer once eggs are fertilized!!

Now the not so good news is this protocol seems to make my ovaries lazy. I have felt bloated for DAYS and was sure I was growing a good 20+ eggs. Nope, not even close. He measured a total of 7 follicles. Yep 7.... I was devastated. He said, "you are a reproductive endocrinologists worst nightmare. You either produce way too many eggs or nothing at all." Great. He is confident we should have at least 4 good ones in there and he said 50% at my age should be chromosomally normal. So now we'er down to two. And given my hubby has super crappy sperm maybe just one. I want to cry and throw a tantrum like my 3 year old. He didn't want to cancel. I don't really want to cancel. But am I doing all of this for one (maybe) embryo. If I was guaranteed that embroy would be one healthy baby I would do it without thinking twice. But let's be real for just a second. Last time I had 21 eggs, 17 fertilized, only 5 were good enough to transfer over two FET. And we ended with 0 babies. I know IVF is not a numbers game but the stats sure aren't on our side. Yesterday I was feeling good and was sure this was our time. Today I just want to crawl in bed and cry.

The worst part is this is what I have been praying for. I wanted to not overstimulate and be able to do a fresh transfer. So not only do I feel deflated that there isn't much going on, I feel guilty for feeling that way. UGH!

Next US is Thursday and then we are thinking a retrieval on Saturday. Pray for me...

1 comment:

  1. IVF is such a roller coaster! Hang in there. No risk for OHSS is good.

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you that you will have a few good eggs and embryos from this cycle.

    ReplyDelete