Thursday, June 18, 2009

When things go wrong

I have often found myself, like may fellow IFers, hating the sight of pregnant women. How I long to rub my own baby bump and dream of the future. But just because they are pregnant doesn't mean everything is fine. I read a post today from Conceive This... titled So Sorry For Your Loss. It broke my heart but also made me so grateful I have not had to experience a loss like that.

Three years ago my younger sister and her then husband found out they were pregnant. They had been trying for 18 months, just a few months less than us, and she was so excited. I remember crying all afternoon. "They don't even have a good relationship. Why would the Lord bless them with a baby and not us?" I remember telling DH. I couldn't talk to her for weeks. I was so grateful we didn't live in the same town so I didn't have to see her everyday. He pregnancy was perfect. She wasn't sick, she felt good, life was great. She went in on a Monday for her 25 week ultrasound to learn the sex of the baby... there was no heartbeat... I called her that morning to see what the results were. She answered in hysterics and gave me the news. I left work and drove the hour south to be with her. I was there most of the week and went to the hospital with her for her c-section that Friday. When it was all over with they brought in her little guy so she could see him for a bit. He was perfect. They never did find out what went wrong with the pregnancy. Her baby boy did not have a liver, but the doctors couldn't tell her why.

At the moment she called me to tell me she was pregnant I would have given anything to switch places with her. And by the end I was so grateful I didn't have to go through all of that. She and her husband divorced last year after 5 years together and now she feels like it was a blessing they didn't have any children together, but it doesn't make her loos any less painful. It doesn't make her miss what would have been. We all have our trials and none of us know what the whole story is. I pray that the next time I see a baby bump I will be able to think about this instead of envy to be in that woman's shoes.


  1. An excellent post kiddo. I have a mental exercise that I use to never allow my heart to "hate the sight of pregnant women". Some day I want to be that person and I want to be happy for them as much as I will be some day (hopefully). We have so much negative shit in the world that I try my best never add to it. I love posts like these that remind us how stupid and useless it is to judge and assume at first glance.

  2. It's hard not to be envious...but again, we are all on our own journey.

  3. right now my 2 best friends are pregnant, due 2 weeks apart and i just failed my first IVF. it is so hard not to feel jealous, but i try to remind myself too, that my time will come.

  4. Infertility is never fun and I am not here to lessen your feelings.
    I hope you get your wish for your procedure.
    Also this is a comment for the October 2009 Blogger binger