Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Not so jolly

I have to come clean, I am having a really hard time this holiday season. Yes, this is my 6th holiday season in IF land, but for some reason this one feels different. I think a big part of that is we are trying so hard to save money we aren't really giving gifts to each other or taking a trip. The last few years we have gone somewhere to "escape" all the family Christmas stuff. This year DH can't take time off from his new job and we need to save every penny. I don't feel merry or jolly. I have no desire to do anything Christmas related. (Well I did get our tree up, but that's it.) I'm sure all my fellow IF sisters have been here before and many are here right now. I honestly have never been so depressed over the holidays. It just doesn't seem like Christmas time.


I'm sure I will get over it. Just not today.


  1. Gosh, I know just how you're feeling and I've only been on this IF roller coaster for a year. I'm sorry and I'm sending hugs your way. I wish things would get easier instead of harder every holiday...

  2. I'm really sorry that you're feeling so down! It is hard this time of year...reminders everywhere! Sending (((HUGS))) your way!

  3. another comment to let you know that you have a blog award waiting for you!

  4. I know, the last couple years have been so tough around Christmas! It's starting to really hurt that we've been at this trying to build a family thing for so long now, and all of the family get-together stuff can just magnify all of those feelings.

    Maybe you and your hubby can plan some local get-away time? A special night out for just the two of you. Something that doesn't take a lot of money - like a free concert, or ice-skating?

  5. Awww. I am sorry you feel like this- but I have totally been there. I am struggling not to be there this year. My bah-humbug over the last 4-5 years was not all IF related...but I can still understand.
    I acutally bout a full sized three this year. The last 8 years I have only put up a 3 foot tree.

    good luck sweetie!

  6. Hello,

    This is my first time reading your blog but I can totally see why the holidays are not quite so festive this year!
    To me too it does not feel like christmas time, my hubby and I have just been diagnosed with MF infertility and have been told IVF is our only hope, looks like we will be savin' our pennies this holiday season as well as trying to decide if we should tell our family what is going on, so there is less questions at the dinner table :( I hope for both of our sakes that we can find some pleasures in the little things this year and smile just a little!

  7. Hi - I'm new to your story and can so relate! Every year it seems I fantasize about how next year I know the holidays will be "so different" because we'll a baby to look after and then the next year comes and nothing. This year we're in the middle of an IVF cycle (our 5th attempt) and won't get our results until the 27th or 28th. I just want to pretend that Chirstmas isn't happening. It's so hard.

  8. I can understand being blah about the holiday, yet another one passes and you know what you want the most didn't happen this year.


    You should celebrate the simple things. You are saving your money precisely so you don't have to be here next year and for that incredible resolve and fortitude you should be proud.

    Do a couple of things that are cheap and/or free that you won't be able to do with a babe at home.

    Walk around in the pretty twinkling lights at 1:00am. Make out on a park bench. Drink lots of delicious spiked egg nog. Make love in front of the fire. Sleep in on Christmas Day. You have your wonderful DH, a fine and cozy home and endless possibilities.

    ((Hugs)) -- Traci aka IF Optimist.

  9. I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I will prob be feeling the same way too come Christmas.

    My favorite thing is to drive through Star.Bucks and drive around all night looking at Christmas lights and my hubby makes a cd for us to listen too. Doesn't cost anything except for coffee and gas and you can get cheaper coffee or make your own to take.