Friday, December 10, 2010

This Christmas...

...is So different from last year. Last year we were about to embark on our first IVF. I had my Jan appt scheduled with my RE. We were prepped and ready. There was such excitment in my heart as I hoped it would be our last as a family of two. I never imagined things would turn out the way they did. I did think we could possibly get a BFN, but to be honest, in my heart I believed it would work.

This year we are somewhat on the cusp on IVF #2. (Surely We will not be doing a Feb cycle like last year, possibly April or May) The difference is this time I have all the experiences of last cycle. So the excitment is gone. I am scared to do another cycle. Scared to fail, scared of the pain, scared of OHSS, scared to spend all that money, scared of the loss of control. I feel like we have a higher chance of sucess this time around due to the knowledge our RE will have from last cycle and the fact that we will have a new RE... I am just having a hard time getting over the fear. How do you ladies keep going, cycle after cycle?
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7 comments:

  1. We haven't started treatments yet so I don't have any personal experience to share with you. I can empathize with you about losing that positivity you have when you're just starting out..I am full of positivity right now but am already expecting it to disappear. Good luck hon!

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  2. I don't ;-) Ha! After our failed IVF in May (and all of the last 12 months), we are just emotionally and financially done with treatments for the forseeable future. On the face, it is a little backwards, but we have alot of peace about trying with chinese medicine/diet changes.

    I am having a rough time this Christmas season, too- having trouble finding my spirit. Not so much for specific infertility reasons, but just in general that we are still here without a baby. I seem to have gotten some pep in the last couple of days, and it feels good. Will be praying for you (HUG)

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  3. Always find the positives...there are ALWAYS some! The good news for you is that you've never had a fresh cycle. This time around, they'll know more and you won't have OHSS, so you'll be able to immediately tranfer the embryos. The success rates with fresh are MUCH higher than frozen! Hang in there!!!

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  4. We were exactly that same way with our IUIs. The first one (with like <25% chance) we were so sure it would work. The second, we were so sure it wouldn't work. We are probably going to do an IVF in January and I am nervous I will be too sure it will work and then it won't, and I'll be devastated.

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  5. I think every couple is so different in when they find enough is enough and when they decide to continue on. For us after losing Lily we were done with IVF, we financially just can't do it again and know we may not have a child at the end of it all. If we don't have success with at least a couple FET's through our embryo adoption we'll likely move onto domestic adoption. We just can't go through the emotional, physical, and financial strain of IVF again.

    Thinking of you guys as you prepare for another round & hoping so much for you that this is the cycle!

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  7. Sorry, too much partying can't write properly...I know it is tough going through thease treatments...i've only done IUI, so not there yet with IVF and it might possibly in my future!. currently doing acupuncture/chinese herbs before i go and do IVF. I know it dosen't help if i say dont' be scared but at least try to remind yourself why you are doing this and in the meantime do things to help you relax like yoga, meditation etc and pamper yourself... Good luck..and hoping and praying for a sucessfull IVF#2 and fantastic baby news!!! Big Hug for you!

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