Second Thoughts

It's been a difficult few days. Our birth mom to be has been a little distant lately. We live about an hour south of her, so we text to keep in touch. The last couple weeks she hasn't been replying much and it has just felt different. On Friday I texted to say Little Miss' birth mom M wanted to reach out to her. She sent me a long message back saying she was having second thoughts about adoption and didn't realize she wold love this baby. My heart broke. She said she was only feeling anger and distance from the baby at first because of the birth father but recently she has really fallen in love with baby girl. 

At first I was sad for our little family who most likely will not be getting another addition in September, but then the more I thought about it I am really just sad for her. She doesn't understand that birth moms place their babies out of LOVE. And extreme love at that! Birth moms put the needs of the child they love before their own. It made me sad that she didn't know that. We had talked a few times about how love drives the decision behind adoption, but maybe she didn't quite get it. 

To say that she is going to be fighting an uphill battle if she does keep this baby is an understatement. I won't go into detail here. I will only say she is not living with her family and comes from a VERY rough background. She has had more hardships in her almost 18 years than most of us will ever have. I'm sad that she will be bringing an innocent child into such a situation. Even teen moms who live at home with two parents and full support from their family (emotional and physical) have hardships with raising a child, and she doesn't even have that. 

I'm sorry I hope that didn't sound like I was calling her out. She has every right to keep her child. I just want so much more for her and bay girl. I was 30 when Little Miss was born. I had waited 9 years for her, was in a stable marriage, was able to stay home full time to take care of her, and I was still shocked by how demanding motherhood was. It is so rewarding and I am grateful every second, but it is hard. It takes everything you have physically and emotionally, especially in the beginning. It gets easier as the weeks and months pass but then each stage brings new challenges. I just worry about her. I want to help but really don't know how at this point.

I will continue to pray and hope she will find that love is what she needs to give baby girl more than what she can right now. If any of you are the praying type, will you join us in this journey. She still has about 10 weeks left in her pregnancy, so anything is possible. She didn't say that she had completely changed her mind, just that she was feeling overwhelmed and couldn't make the decision now. So there is still hope...