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Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I don't want your kids...
Why is it that friends and family seem to think that just because we are infertile we want their children?? I'm sure all of you have heard the comment, "oh you can have him/her," 146 times or more. This happened to me on Sunday right after church. There is a darling little girl in our ward who was in the primary class I taught a year ago. She loves to come and sit with me and DH. I adore her. I sometimes think that if we would've gotten pg within the first 6 months of ttc we could have a child her same age. This girl even looks like she could be mine and loves to bake! One of my friends made the comment that we could take her home and people would think she was ours. The friend then made the comment to her mother C, who is also a dear friend, and C said, "you can have her." I laughed and continued walking. That got me thinking... No I really don't want this sweet little girl, I want MY daughter. I want MY son. I love other people's children, but I don't really want them. I am grateful they are willing to share them so I can enjoy them for a bit. All of our friends have wonderful children who I love, but it isn't the same. So the next time someone offers to send their son or daughter my way I may just have to turn and say, "no thanks, I'm waiting for ours."
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I like your response! I used to say something snippy depending on the situation. For example, parent of poorly behaved child says "you can have him," I would say "No thanks. I'm sure I'd bring him back for a refund."
ReplyDeleteOr, if it was a really good friend who knew about our struggles, I would say something like "You shouldn't say that to a woman who has been injected with so many hormones!"
Gah. I hate when people say that. Last time I talked to one of my girlfriends (who has three kids), she was asking how things were going. You know, with the babymaking. I said, eh same ole' same ole'. To which she responded, after a pause, "well you can have mine!". I mean, REALLY?! I can have your KIDS?! WOW. Well, send 'em right over then. Seriously, what are people thinking when that comes out of their mouths?
ReplyDeleteI think next time it happens, you should just say OKAY!, grab her by the hand and start heading for the door. Haha...freak 'em all out a bit :).
At least we know that when we finally get to be parents, those words will never cross our lips!
When they say that, they don't understand how angry it makes us because it shows how much they don't appreciate what they have. I get enraged when people complain about their kids - don't they realize how blessed they are?
ReplyDeleteI agree it is annoying but i think people say such things because for them having kids was nothing hard so i guess they feel even jokingly they can say such stuff to someone like us who are still struggling to become parents to our own kids. The word Empathy just does not seem to register with some people at all. I think it is a very good word to get to know...even if someone does not experience infertility themselves.
ReplyDeleteI agree!! I've learned a lot about becoming more sensitive to others regarding what comes out of my mouth...now if only others could learn too ;)
ReplyDeleteA new one that I experienced recently after a failed IUI from friends and fam that knew I was doing it..."Are you sure it's your period, you could still be pregnant and have your period!" OMGoodness...YES it's my period and there's NO chance thank you!! I totally get it though, a lot of people just don't understand :(
Keep the strength to hold your tongue when others can be unknowingly insensitive :)
Agreed. It also bothers me when people - or sisters - act like they are doing you a favor by letting babysit their kids. Just because I'm infertile and want kids, doesn't mean I need to surround myself and play mom to your kids so you and hubby can have the night off.
ReplyDeletep.s. perfect example of one of the reasons I don't want our whole ward to know...
@amy - my sister's totally do that, too! It is so annoying and totally illogical. "you have PMS, cramping, bleeding...you could still totally be pregnant. Nevermind that you have been able to for 2 years..." People don't understand, but I think they could if they try- try to see it from OUR point of view.