I know, I know

I have been missing. The last week has been hell! (to put it lightly) My step-dad had a hear.t atta.ck last Tuesday, 5/25. He is ok and came home yesterday. We were all really worried and scared he wouldn't make it. Luckily he did and all is well now. It's a long story, but the Read.er's Di.gest version is: He had a hea.rt att.ack 2 years ago from a freak birth defect artery that he never knew existed. The docs put in a stin.t and a few different meds to control everything. He had his hi.p rep.laced two weeks ago on 5/19 and had to go off all meds, so that he didn't blee.d to de.ath during surg.ery. Refused bl.ood tran.sfusion the next day even though his doc recommended it. (Duh dad, it is 2010 it's safe to get a transfusion!) And a week later he was rushed to the ho.spital via am.bulance and then right to the OR. Crazy week! There was tons of drama far beyond what anyone should deal with, he has in.sane children from his fir.st marriage and they are awf.ul to say the least. Bottom line, he's fine.

I have been really bad and have yet to go back to my RE for my WTF appt. I just have no motivation. It looks like a July transfer is out. Maybe we will shoot for August. After our BFN I have no desire to do that all over again. But every time I see a baby all I want is to have our own. Ironic that the only way I can do that is the thing I am now avoiding like the plague. Plus sweet DH is studying with a new program for the C.PA. He has been out of school since Dec. 2005 and started getting serious about it about a year later. He has yet to pass any of the 4 parts. Lots of time and money spent on heartache. We are hopeful that this new really intense, really expensive program will help him accomplish his goal. How does this relate to IF, he is required to study 30-35 hrs per week from now until November. Did I mention he works 45-50 hrs per week and has a 2 hr commute? So I now feel like I will be going at this next cycle somewhat alone. I thought about postponing all IF related stuff until he is done, but I don't want to. I want to continue, well most days I do.

Still really considering transferring to a new RE if our next FET is a bust. We won't be able to afford another fresh cycle, mostly thanks to above mentioned program, until the beginning of next year. I guess I have plenty of time to mull this over in my brain. I think this is a contributing factor to my reluctance to use our last 9 embies. I know that once that cycle is over we are back to square one. Sigh...

I didn't mean for this post to be all depressing. Life really is going well and I am trying to enjoy DH while he still has free time. (He starts the study program June 7) We are taking our trip in 3 weeks and I am looking forward to a little R&R. Oh and the food! I swear I could eat my way through any city.