Bye for now...

We are off to the beach to relax and enjoy our family. (That is if MIL doesn't drive me crazy.) Wish me luck as we will be in the same house as my very pregnant SIL who never wanted kids and finds her pregnancy to be much of a nuisance. (She read online that your fertility decreases after age 30, so before she turned 31 they decided to try and, big surprise, it worked.) I have a load of good books and lots of sunscreen. Until next week...

Protocol

I just called the RE's office and got my protocol for our upcoming cycle. This is what I know so far...

Start Lupron 10 unit - 7/10
Stop bcp - 7/16
First u/s - 7/19

I am grateful I don't have to worry about injections until after we get back from vaca. We are moving right along.

And so it begins...

FET #2 is underway. I started bcp on Tuesday. (AF finally showed up on cd39, Sunday) I saw my RE on Monday. The waiting room was totally packed! It was awful. There was a lady whose phone kept going off every 2 mins. There was a lady with her husband and 4 yr old son. (I’m not a huge fan of kids in an RE office, sorry.) Then there was the super skinny lady pulling receipts out of her wallet and balancing her checkbook. And not just a few. Like 30+. When I finally got called back I told rude coordinator that my bp may be high because of the waiting room, “Well it’s Monday morning. What did you expect?!?” I wanted to knock her upside the head. Then after she takes my bp I ask her what it was. No answer. She turns around about a min later and says, “Did you ask me something?” Yes rude lady, I would like to know what my bp was!

The RE comes in a few min later and answers my questions. Apparently they do grade the embryos and give out pictures if you ask for them. Don’t know why any woman wouldn’t want that kind of info. So I asked him about our last transfer and he said one was an A and the other was like an F. Ok, good to know.

Also they freeze the embryos in sets of 3, so they will only take 3 out to thaw at a time. It looks like they will transfer back all 3 if they thaw properly. I was a little nervous about that, but they won’t re-freeze any. So I would rather them be in me if they have any chance. So that could potentially give us 3 more tries at a FET. He did say if they thaw out one set and none survive they quickly thaw another. I would hate to go through the prep and have nothing to transfer. My transfer should happen the week of August 2nd. Oh and he didn’t even give me my schedule. They were so busy he said he would have rude coordinator call me in a few days to get it all set up. After all, I am an “old pro at this now”. (His words)

Mostly I am feeling optimistic about this cycle. I feel like since these are day 1 embies they are more like fresh ones. (At least that is what the RE has told me.) I have been sick the last few days, so I haven’t really had the chance to let it sink in that we are back in the saddle. Truthfully, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Waiting to cycle is hard. I am not one of those girls who just relaxes and enjoys the time off. It is always on my mind. I think I am finding more peace in this cycle now that I have been through it already. Last time I was so scared and didn’t even know what to ask, embryo grade, pics, etc. Now I do kind of feel like an “old pro”. I know not to drink as much water. I am also going to ask about Valium before the transfer. That seems to be pretty normal thing to be given to help the uterus relax. Any opinions on this? Plus last time I was so tense, my RE asked me to relax my bottom. I’m sure it was not the most welcoming environment for our embies.

Looking back I am glad things turned out the way they did. I would love to be pregnant right now, but it wasn’t meant to be. Now I can go into this transfer calm and ready. I just feel so blessed we have 9 more tries. 9 more little ones that could possibly be our baby!

No I haven't

POAS that is. I really don't see how with our MFI I could be with child on my own. Certainly I will not doubt God's power and ability to make that happen, miracles do happen. But for us I feel like when we get pregnant with IVF/ICSI that will be OUR miracle. Sometimes medical intervention is the miracle. (And being born in a time when it is available, and being able to afford it.) I only have one stick left. I have considered using it, but that thought leaves me pretty quickly. I guess some of it has to do with the failed cycle. I had at least one perfect little embie on board and not even it resulted in a line on the stick. I figure if I haven't started by Monday I will have the RE's office do one. Well maybe. If they think it is warranted.

I wish I was charting like Sarah had mentioned. I haven't done that since... oh who knows, the beginning. I'm sure miss AF is just lying it wait. She is a tricky little devil.

PS I have no symptoms either way. I just feel normal.

Lost??

My AF seems to be lost! Today is cd 35 and I am pretty regular with 31 day cycles. I am guessing this has something to do with all the drugs and hormones I have been pumping into my body the last few months. Has your cycle been longer after a failed IVF or FET??

I did schedule my next appt with my RE on Monday, so I will be asking him if she hasn't come to visit by then. (cd 40) The only other time I have been this late is right before our IVF in February. And that was stress related. I know I have been stressed lately but come on! Hopefully she comes soon.

I received my letter from the office stating bcp need to be started on cd3 for the cycle starting after June 7th. So I will be starting those pretty soon. Transfers will be taking place between August 2-13. Man that seems so close! Didn't we just do this?! I am starting to get a little excited!

I know, I know

I have been missing. The last week has been hell! (to put it lightly) My step-dad had a hear.t atta.ck last Tuesday, 5/25. He is ok and came home yesterday. We were all really worried and scared he wouldn't make it. Luckily he did and all is well now. It's a long story, but the Read.er's Di.gest version is: He had a hea.rt att.ack 2 years ago from a freak birth defect artery that he never knew existed. The docs put in a stin.t and a few different meds to control everything. He had his hi.p rep.laced two weeks ago on 5/19 and had to go off all meds, so that he didn't blee.d to de.ath during surg.ery. Refused bl.ood tran.sfusion the next day even though his doc recommended it. (Duh dad, it is 2010 it's safe to get a transfusion!) And a week later he was rushed to the ho.spital via am.bulance and then right to the OR. Crazy week! There was tons of drama far beyond what anyone should deal with, he has in.sane children from his fir.st marriage and they are awf.ul to say the least. Bottom line, he's fine.

I have been really bad and have yet to go back to my RE for my WTF appt. I just have no motivation. It looks like a July transfer is out. Maybe we will shoot for August. After our BFN I have no desire to do that all over again. But every time I see a baby all I want is to have our own. Ironic that the only way I can do that is the thing I am now avoiding like the plague. Plus sweet DH is studying with a new program for the C.PA. He has been out of school since Dec. 2005 and started getting serious about it about a year later. He has yet to pass any of the 4 parts. Lots of time and money spent on heartache. We are hopeful that this new really intense, really expensive program will help him accomplish his goal. How does this relate to IF, he is required to study 30-35 hrs per week from now until November. Did I mention he works 45-50 hrs per week and has a 2 hr commute? So I now feel like I will be going at this next cycle somewhat alone. I thought about postponing all IF related stuff until he is done, but I don't want to. I want to continue, well most days I do.

Still really considering transferring to a new RE if our next FET is a bust. We won't be able to afford another fresh cycle, mostly thanks to above mentioned program, until the beginning of next year. I guess I have plenty of time to mull this over in my brain. I think this is a contributing factor to my reluctance to use our last 9 embies. I know that once that cycle is over we are back to square one. Sigh...

I didn't mean for this post to be all depressing. Life really is going well and I am trying to enjoy DH while he still has free time. (He starts the study program June 7) We are taking our trip in 3 weeks and I am looking forward to a little R&R. Oh and the food! I swear I could eat my way through any city.