...our surrogate is pregnant?? No, not with our baby with her own. I am excited and torn all at the same time. This is great news for her and her husband. (Although most people can get pregnant, so not a really huge feat.) She called me a few weeks back and said they had a "whoops" moment and now she thought she might be pregnant. So, I did see this coming. They did want to have another baby and her hubby did say he didn't want to wait for us to be ready to pursue treatment. So again, I am not surprised... so why did it hurt so much when she told me?
I guess it is just a reminder of my constant lack of being able to conceive. It feels like a kick in the gut when someone says, "I'm pregnant." And then I love how they wait and watch your reaction very closely. I feel like those moments sometimes go in slow motion. Like there are millions of seconds in between the time the words escape their lips and the time you smile and say congratulations. It is probably a blessing because I can tell myself in those million seconds, smile, it's ok, tell her congrats, give her a hug, and above all don't cry! Then you have to listen to them babble about due dates and gender guesses and how excited they are. Pure torture. My heart was being ripped from my chest and all I could do was smile and listen. Like the good infertile I am.
We have some other news happening around here that may push back treatment for a least 18 months, so really I should be totally fine with all of this. (I will have to post about that later.) Plus, we were really looking at doing FET and surrogacy since IVF with surrogacy is like way out of our budget. So my hope was that our next cycle would end with me carrying our baby. So once again, I really should be fine with all of this... but I'm not. And it hurts.
