Every Little Miracle

Most of the time when a baby related commercial comes on I change the channel. (Actually this is true of pretty much all commercials) But have you ladies seen the latest Pam.pers commercial. It literally made me cry. I tried to add the video to my blog, but blogger is being lame and won't upload it. Please click to watch it. May want to grab a tissue before hand, just a warning.

Clearing my head

I was so upset yesterday about everything yesterday. DH suggested I take some time and clear my head. If only I could take the part of my brain that is constantly thinking about IF and push the mute button.

I tried to take a step back today and realize that yes, sending out the info on the discounted cycle was wrong, but pushing me toward the other two cycles is really in my best interest. I think I am so over sensitive right now about all of this crap. DH said last night that he really thought the refund program was the best idea because he isn't 100% sure this will work. Que tears and silence. After a good night's rest which always seems to bring clarity, I find myself agreeing with him. No one goes into and IVF cycle 100% sure it will work. I was about 90% sure with our first cycle and was blindsided by OHSS and then the low quality and quantity of embryos. I think being more cautious and protecting ourselves this time around really is in our best interest. And that is what DH and the financial consultant were both trying to tell me and I wouldn't have any of it.

I want this to work so badly I just want to go in and get it over and done with. I don't even want to think about it not working. Then I tried to tell myself how much more comfortable I would feel if I knew we would get 90% of the cycle fee back if it didn't work out. How much stress would that take out of the equation!?! I need to be more open to other's suggestions instead of always thinking I know it all! I don't and others, especially DH, have my best interest in mind.

Now this doesn't mean we are for sure going to go with this clinic. But it means I need to take a step back and not be so defensive. We are going to consult with at least 1 other clinic in the bay area that has a refund program similar to this one. (Slightly higher fee for one cycle and transfer of all remaining frozen embryos before refund is given.) There are two clinic I have been thinking about going to for awhile and both have the At.tain Re.fund program and that is like 3x the amount (like over $25k) but you are paying for 3 IVF's and 3 FET's. And then if that doesn't work a 70% refund is given. I would be doing IVF for years! Not to mention it would take years to save up the $$ to do it. So they have both been taken off the table for now.

What do you ladies think, is doing a refund program setting yourself up for failure?

Done before it ever began

I had my consults with the nurse and financial counselors today. My chat with the nurse went ok. She did tell me if I wanted to start bcp with my next period I could be starting Lupron by July 14th. HA! I told her we need a little more time to get everything done and worked out before then. So not emotionally ready to start taking drugs again in 2 weeks.

The financial appointment didn't go as planned. They have "fin.ancial assista.nce" for their 1 cycle plan. Given DH is currently unemployed, we qualified. I was over the moon excited thinking it would cut some, not much but some, of the cost of this cycle. Nope. That plan is only for people who have no insurance coverage! Like no insurance at all. Who would be going through IVF to have a baby with no insurance coverage?!?!! Kind of need prenatal for the pregnancy you are hoping to have! No where on the sheet that stated the requirements did it say you had to have no insurance. Oh and did I mention they do not accept ANY insurance. So why does it matter if you have it or not??? And why did they even send me this sheet in my packet when the third question out of the RE's mouth was asking about our coverage. they knew we didn't qualify before they sent the packet. Surely they know how hard it is to hand over enough money to feed a small country to have a TRY at having a baby. They must know that some couples will meet the inco.me and n.et wo.rth requirements they have listed. So why not also state the insurance requirement?? I ended the conversation with, "well then maybe we need to find an RE that does take our insurance*."

I felt misled and pushed into doing the refund or multi-cycle plans. As I have said on here we are not financially ready to do IVF right this second, let alone doubling the cost with one of these options. I get these plans are an awesome idea! And if we were on IVF #1 I may have taken that route, but this is our second time around. Honestly I'm not sure if I can do a third or fourth cycle. I would really like to take it one cycle at a time. I feel like emotionally that is all I can handle. I hated that as I asked questions about the normal cycle she kept referring back to the other two options. I don't know, I just felt funny. I don't want to start at a clinic I already feel funny at without even ever stepping foot in the office. (Been there done that, and it didn't work out so well.)

So now we are going to continue to investigate other clinics. So many people have told us we should have multiple consultations to find the BEST clinic and RE available. (Easy for them to say when they aren't emotionally or financially invest in this.) I really feel I need to find a clinic that is a good fit for ME. That I feel comfortable at. I want to call in a feel like people are on my team and there to help. I know I will never be their only patient, but I want to feel like I am important. Please tell me some of you have this. And if you have gone to a clinic in N. Cali I would like to hear about them! I need some serious help!

*Our first cycle our RE was contracted with our insurance and they did cover the US's and bw. It wasn't much but it made a difference. And that RE could also order any test he needed and it would be covered, like SA's and bw. Since this clinic isn't contracted we have go to our regular MD or OB (still have yet to find one of those) and have them order all the stuff they want done. More time, money and energy I don't think I have. It was so nice at our last clinic for him to need something and to just write out a lab slip.