I was talking to a good friend the other day on the phone and we were talking about trails. She mentioned that we all have different trials and some have 9 years of infertility or a sick child or they lose a spouse... so on and so forth. It was interesting because it seemed to me like she was saying that WAS my trial, but now that Little Miss is here that part of my life is over. I don't consider my trail of infertility to be over. Yes, we are EXTREMELY blessed to have a precious little girl in our family who came through the miracle of adoption; but just because I'm now a mom doesn't mean my trial is over. The fact is it is likely my husband and I will never be able to have biological children and they certainly are unlikely to come though rolling around in the hay. We will never be one of those families that has a new baby in our home every 2 years like we had originally envisioned for our family.
Motherhood does not mean any woman is suddenly fertile. So why do so many people think that just because I have joyously joined the mommy club that struggle is over for me?? Infertility is a lifelong trial. Even after we have passed the child bearing years there will still be a piece of me that will wear the IF badge.
I'm not saying I'm not grateful for my little girl. I am beyond thrilled she is here and came the miraculous way she did! And I can honestly say that having her really takes away a lot of the pain from IF. I don't think about it all day every day like I did before. Now my longing for more children is so she can have siblings. I want that for her so badly, but if it never happens, so be it. I am 100% content being her mommy. I try to not take one second for granted and so what if I rock her to sleep and don't train her to put herself to sleep in her crib. I won't still be rocking her to sleep when she's 7. There is only so many days I get to enjoy each of these little baby moments and chances are she will be our only baby. So I'm loving every second of it and not hoping she moves to the next milestone too quickly.
Motherhood at 30 after nine years of TTC is so different than motherhood at 21 after one month TTC. I think I'm a better mother to her now than I ever could've been had she come when I thought she would. I'm not saying 21 yr old moms are bad, I'm just saying the perspective we IF ladies have gives us something special. And for that I am so grateful. I just wish people could understand that having a child or 4 doesn't mean you are no longer infertile, it means you were given the incredible gift of motherhood. They are not the same.